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Jamie Kosmar [00:00:15] Welcome to coaches to know these are coaching shorts by Ideamix radio. This is a brief podcast designed to demystify coaching and help you, our audience, understand what coaching is and how it can help you. I’m your host, Jamie, and today I’m here with Coach David and we’re going to be talking about coaching for life transitions. Coach David has nine years of coaching experience. He has a background in corporate marketing, entrepreneurship and U.N. humanitarian work. And his clients are typically 35 to 65. And they’ve they normally have identified that something in their life is not working for them and they want something different. So welcome, Coach David, and thank you for joining us today.
Coach David [00:01:08] Good to be here. Thank you.
Jamie Kosmar [00:01:10] I appreciate your time and I hope to communicate what seems like a very obvious. Topic life transitions. We all know what they are, but I hope to sort of drill down to help people understand today when coaching through a life transition may be beneficial for them. So first, let’s start by defining what do we mean by life transitions?
Coach David [00:01:44] Sure. So most of the people I work with are people who have identified something going on in their work or their life that just they have a sense that things are not as satisfying or as meaningful or as in balance as they would like their life to be. And transitions can can come about in many, many different ways, and may be that somebody within a job is just lost their ability to grow or they may have new leadership that isn’t working for them. The company may be changing. Any kind of thing like that might lead somebody within a work position to say it’s time for me to make a change. But often, especially when people are well into their lives and I mean, you said my clients are 35 to 65. I sort of define that broadly as, you know, those middle years where you have a lot of living and work behind you and a lot of living and work ahead of you. And, you know, given how long we work these days, you know, most people reach points where suddenly what they thought was right for them is no longer the right fit. And the challenge when people are in moments like that, is that life is super crazy and intense, especially in those years. And it can be difficult to find the space, the time, the energy to move into a transition. And that’s often where coaching can be very helpful. But yeah, I mean, very simply, you know, people move into transitions when they’re in moments where they are looking to move towards more of the things that they want or away from things in their life that they don’t want.
Jamie Kosmar [00:03:45] Thank you for that sort of definition so that we can be on the same page about what’s being discussed today. There’s a lot of interesting nuggets in what you just said. I help us understand, David, are there. Typically, do people have a trigger moment that it’s it’s this is working for me. This is working for me and then suddenly it’s not. Or is that realization how does it normally come? Is it slow? Is it fast? Does it depend?
Coach David [00:04:18] It’s a great question. When I when I do intake conversations with people, one of the things I’m always interested in is what? What is the trigger moment? I would say that generally when people are ready to make a change, it has been a slow burn of things that have been happening that that that without necessarily even recognizing it, are leading them to be less, less content or less less happy with what’s going on. But usually there is a trigger moment. It may be something, something external, like a new boss, you know, or like a notable failure or maybe a notable success where things suddenly change. And it may be it may be something internal that happens, either a very strong emotional moment, but usually there is something that happens to somebody in a moment where they decide they can look back and realize that things have been happening that have been pointing in the direction of a change. But I rarely meet with somebody who, if I ask, can’t point to the thing that happened that got them into a moment of thinking, I’m ready for a change and I want to I need to figure out how to make that change.
Jamie Kosmar [00:05:45] That’s very interesting. I always think, though, even when there is some level of trigger. Right. Which generates a self-awareness. There is a. A gap between awareness and action. And coaching through life transitions in this way is a way to close that gap between I understand that I’m unhappy or that I need something different, whether it’s from my career, from my life. And I know that I want to get to something different, but I can’t always know what that different thing is that I want. And. Or how to get there. And I look at life transition coaching as a way to help clients. Process through how to get there. And. And. If you could speak a little bit about. How you help your clients get from. I know I need something different. To getting something different.
Coach David [00:06:57] Sure. Yeah. I mean, typically, the moment of recognition is not the moment people delve into work a lot of times. I mean, I have had I can’t tell you how many people have reached out to explore coaching because they’ve had that trigger moment and then decide they’re not really ready and get very scared about. Again, it’s you know, it’s a commitment of energy, It’s a commitment of time. It’s a commitment of money. But so often after being with that, that concern and having it come up again, people will come back to coaching. You know, when I’m speaking with somebody who’s identified a desire for a transition, what I want to do is help them get as clear as they can be about both, why they want to change and what they’re hoping to change and move towards. And that’s that’s really what the discovery process in coaching is all about when working with people. And I’m you know, what I’ll reveal here, Jamie is really my my approach to helping people get clear on the readiness that they have for moving into coaching work. I focus with people on three different areas when they’re thinking about transitions. And the first one is really the thing that you’re talking about here, which is what I broadly call focus. And in the work around focus, we’re trying to get as clear as we can around what the things are that we are looking to have more of in our life, whether that’s balance, whether that’s more money, whether it’s a different group of people to be working with, whether it’s a higher level of impact. There are many different things that make up, you know, a life and make up. If it’s a professional realm, what makes for a good work environment. But in those moments where somebody has said, I’m ready for a change, I’m ready, I feel like the transition is coming, the first order of business is getting some formula of like, what? What better looks like? And that’s what I call focus. The work of getting getting focused is looking at a few different things. One, you want to look back at your work history or if it’s not work related, Most of my clients are coming in with professional transition desires to begin with, but you want to look at the back your your history to see what kind of things in your work history have been peak moments, what kinds of things have elevated you, what kind of things pull your energy down and how you’ve made decisions going from one thing to the next and how those decisions have worked out for you. That’s the looking backwards in in terms of looking forward. You know, we this is where one’s interests, one’s values, one’s experience set become really important. And that is, you know, some of that stuff is structured work. But the goal of all of this examination is, is to try to help somebody get to a point where they can identify some vision of focus for moving forward. One of my favorite phrases is where we focus is where we go. And without some willingness to put in at least an initial stake in the ground of what we think we’re transitioning towards, it’s very hard to even move into that. And maybe I’ll stop there. That’s that’s the first work I do with people to kind of get them ready to move forward and to sort of tap into the energy that makes the idea of a transition exciting. Because when somebody can start to articulate that, there becomes much more momentum about moving into the work.
Jamie Kosmar [00:11:18] That’s what’s very interesting. It’s I think of it as a t-up process. Yeah. I really like what you said too. Where we focus is where we go, which I think is quite key and, you know, a strong theme and what coaching is, it’s helping people with forward looking. To be forward looking to draw that life vision or a vision for your career or whatever it is and move towards it. So it’s all about moving forward, which I think is very powerful experience for people. Yeah, one of the things that you said is you talk about, I mean, the process of examination, I imagine it’s the length of that is unique for everyone. But how long does that normally take for people to get clear on a vision?
Coach David [00:12:20] Yeah, it can be surprisingly quick. Typically, I will start by asking people a bunch of have people write about a bunch of questions that are allow them to reflect on their their their past. Allow them to reflect on their identity, their strengths, their challenges so that very quickly they’re they’re exploring the terrain that they find themselves in. And then we move into some straightforward exercises around, you know, starting to break out what it is that really matters to people. And the thing is, when somebody is identified, it’s time for a change. The answers to what they want more of or less of are usually pretty easy for people to figure out. And in thinking about it and stepping into that work, it’s really it becomes pretty easy for someone to realize what they’ve been very excited about and what it is that’s holding them, you know, holding them down, draining them. And I would say, you know, usually within, you know, three or four sessions, we begin to get clearer on on a focus to define that transition moving forward, that that focus can shift and change and does as we you know move into the actual work of exploration. But it gives us a great place to start.
Jamie Kosmar [00:13:59] So it sounds like the process is quite iterative in a way. Yes, you kind of focus. But then as you continue, your work may adjust, may change. And once you’ve defined the focus, where do you go next with you, with your clients?
Coach David [00:14:17] Typically the next place we go is to what I broadly will call story. And this is this is one of the most important parts of of moving into a transition because we all we all, all of us carry our story in one way or another. And the reality is we can all tell our story in many, many different ways. I could tell you about my 30 year career prior to becoming a coach, and you would swear that I have led the most interesting life of anyone you’ve ever met. And I could tell you the story focused on all the challenges I’d faced and you would be like, Wow, I don’t know how you made it through that. And so when we’re making transitions with some kind of defined focus, the next order of business is to figure out how we tell a story that connects the journey we’ve been on to that place we’re trying to get to. And there’s that story needs to be told. In a lot of places. It’s told in very structured places like our resumé or bio or LinkedIn profile, you know, where there are you know, there are tricks of the trade that that are important to understand. But I find in making change, the most important thing is how we understand and feel and embody our story and how we can confidently tell it to other people so that they can do what we want them to do, which is help us move towards that transition. But this is such a huge part of transition work, is being able to see yourself and see your story in the place that you’re trying to get to. I often will say that, you know, a goal is is a place that we come from. You know, we think of a goal as a place we’re going to. But really in making transition, we as much as possible, we want to be embodying that person who has already made the change. We want to be living that and then we’re moving into it. It makes moving into it so much easier.
Jamie Kosmar [00:16:33] And crafting a story in your own words helps you become that that chain.
Coach David [00:16:41] Yeah. We then have the thing to be living into and it’s, you know, the trick to that is finding the story that really resonates. It’s not about making up a story, it’s about choosing the story that we want to tell about where we are and where we’re trying to go.
Jamie Kosmar [00:17:00] It for people, I would say people like myself who are very literal and factual based, I’ve always found, you know, stretching and living that who I want to be has been a challenge in my life for sure, because it feels dishonest in a way, but it is a part of the process. And getting back to what you said, where we focus is where we go. And so if you focus on being what you want to be, then you will go there and you will be there.
Coach David [00:17:32] Yeah, absolutely. I mean, it’s really interesting. I was an entrepreneur for ten years. I created a travel publication and it was an incredible journey. It was it was ten of the most thrilling years of my life. And it ended with a very fortunate sale of the business. But during those ten years, there were many moments where all I focused on was concerns about money or concerns about staffing and lost my focus on the excitement of running a travel business or doing my own thing. And so in in every day and in every moment, we get to choose where we put our focus. So I totally get your comment about, you know, none of us want to feel like we’re putting on an act. But the reality is there are so many different ways to tell our story, and it’s really important to be thoughtful about that as because we we want to inspire others with our story and with our desires. That’s that’s really the selling part of making a transition. Yeah.
Jamie Kosmar [00:18:50] Yeah. No, I totally agree. Totally agree. We are sort of running close to time. It’s not over time. I just want you to touch upon the third step that happens when people work. When we clients work with you?
Coach David [00:19:07] Yeah. As it’s what I was referring to, I broadly call the third step after focus and story social, and that is bringing your story in the world. We don’t make transitions by ourselves because we don’t live in a universe of just ourselves. So when we tell our story, we’re typically trying to do three things. We’re trying to get better at telling our story. And that happens when we get to see it reflected and see what other people are reacting to. We learn in the process, especially if you’re looking for a new job or something else, you’re you’re using your story to find out more about the realm of the person you’re talking to. And we expand our network. So moving our story into the world is really where the rubber meets the road in making change. It’s the most exciting thing, and it’s a lot easier for an extrovert, which I am and for some introverts. But this is why the practice of telling our story is so important. And before you know it, we’re living into it. And the transitions that we’re hoping to make are where we’re where we’re focusing and what we end up manifesting. And I see this happen over and over.
Jamie Kosmar [00:20:29] On that positive note. Coach David, I want to thank you for your time today. Thank you for walking us through coaching, through life transition. And maybe we should have you back to do something on entrepreneurship at another time.
Coach David [00:20:48] I’d love that.
Jamie Kosmar [00:20:50] Thank you so much.
Coach David [00:20:53] Take care.
Narrator [00:20:55] Thanks for listening. Please subscribe wherever you listen and leave us a review. Find your ideal coach at www.theideamix.com. Special thanks to our producer Martin Milewski and singer songwriter Doug Allen.